When the burgers and 'ritas are as awkward and staged as the party

Here's another common scenario that often happens in real life: all your hot gay guy friends come over, put their feet all over your kitchen furniture, and devour burgers and strawberry daquiris at 10 o'clock on a Saturday morning while telling you all about the fun nasty rumors they know.

*****BZZZ***** wrong, this never happens.

In actuality, the Peter Gallagher look-alike and Mr. Preppy Peek-of-Midrift might have had too many of the daquiries the night before, but they would have been prepared for them by somebody else at a bar, they would not have called them "'ritas," and the awkward 38-year-old in the polo would have been nowhere in sight.  You guys would have used the "Griddler" that one of your aunts got you for graduation exactly once, to make chicken, then passive-aggressively fought over who had to scrape the grease and burned meat off it while it sat all gross and crumb-y on the counter.

Also, you would not be putting multiple hamburgers all on one plate as if you were operating some kind of weird Female Recent College Graduate White Castle, and Peek-of-Midrift would not be pouring his drink sideways into his mouth from half a foot away.

Please let's just now delve into the embarrassing copy:

She did what?  He didn't!  Sometimes, the greatest dish isn't the gossip...

Wait--but that sounded like pretty good "dish"--and it was the gossip. O.K.  Also, by not putting these theoretical quotations into quotes, the ad creates the impression that it is talking to itself.  Which, of course, it sort of is...

...Invite Cuisinart into your kitchen (or what you're calling your kitchen)...

HA!  Cuisinart gets me.  They know about how tiny my pathetic Murray Hill apartment is.  I bet they even know that I keep my shoes in the oven!  Awwwwwww!

Let your Cuisinart® Griddler® and Blender get into the mix, and see how gossip can leave a great taste in your mouth.

Uh...that's what...she said?

Come ON copywriters, this is just awful.  And the insinuation that using these superfluous appliances to "feed all your friends" is going to ensure you "get the secrets," "tidbits," and "the 411" is just plain sad.

Cuisinart--you did what?  You made a terrible ad!  You didn't!  Oh, but you did.